Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
