Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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