you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
