Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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