turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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