I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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