Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
