My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
