I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
