when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
