she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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