thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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