Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
