my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
