My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
