New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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