but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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