I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was like eating out sand paper
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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