i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
