just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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