He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's never too late to be topless.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My vagina is officially offended.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
