why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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