i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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