So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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