You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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