I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
