I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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