Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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