So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
