u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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