i permit you to call me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize