the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
