God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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