from now on my penis is your penis
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
