I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
