16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
