Your face is a jimmy john
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
