get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
