I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
