in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
