i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
