I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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