The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
