she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
