that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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