Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
