Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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