listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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