My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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