I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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