Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
