Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize