dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if only i could text you this smell
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
