I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
