Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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