He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
