this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
