If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
