Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
