Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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