I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
