I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im at strip club and am horny
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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