idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
