my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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