the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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