Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
