She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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