If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
