My nipple is on Facebook.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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