just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
