I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You took a bar mat shot.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
