do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
