Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
