He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
