You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The Olympian is in my bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
